The look of a child. Children perceive this world, adults who are next to them, self-care, words, actions completely differently from us. Their view is sometimes diametrically opposed to ours. We are ready to throw the world, our life, our free time, and intelligence at their feet. And they need very little: our love and... our calm voice. In other words - so that we don't yell at them…
We don't see ourselves from the outside when we raise our voice to a native creature of any age. We do not see our eyes flashing with crazy fire, a twisted face, crooked fingers, anger pouring out of us in a stream, we do not hear the terrible words and expressions spewed out by our lovely mother's mouth…
But our child sees us. And he sees us exactly like this: angry, screaming, insecure, scary and carrying fear in themselves. At these moments, he receives a charge of fear for life, from which he will "wash off" for a long time, get rid of himself, with the help of psychologists and loved ones.
What do we see?
A creature huddled into a ball, dreaming only of one thing: it would all be over soon! Eyes filled with fear and tears…
Of course, we all see it. We see, but we don't change anything. Why?
Firstly, because the child's fear... gives pleasure? Unfortunately, that's exactly the case. Otherwise we wouldn't have done it. At one time, as a child, we received our portion of resentment and fear. Then, growing up and being disastrously disliked, we got burned again and again, were afraid, fell, made mistakes, accumulating resentments and fears. The child that appeared became an object for merging negativity, a sense of power over a weak being. Alas.
Of course, we don't do this on purpose. Of course, we will be outraged when we hear a statement about the pleasure we receive. But the Law of the universe says (free interpretation): "Repetitive life situations bring pleasure, otherwise they would not be repeated."
Secondly, it's hard to change. To change the situation, you need to look at yourself from the outside, be horrified, forgive yourself, accept yourself, love yourself. I think we can do it. Let's go?
It is not easy to change yourself, but it is possible
The first step. It is necessary to see yourself at the moment of ora. Yes, yes, this is an unpleasant creature with crooked fingers, except for shuddering, causing nothing. Have you seen it? There is no need to add anything to this image, it is already quite unpleasant. And now: stop!
The second step. Accept yourself as you are. Don't blame yourself in any way. Don't make excuses for yourself. Do not try to look for the culprits in your environment. You are like this because at the moment you choose to be exactly like this. Let's assume that until now you just didn't know how to behave differently.
The third step. Now, when you look at yourself, without regret or blame. When you consciously put aside emotions and soberly look at the situation, it's time to ask the question: why am I, in fact, yelling? Is it really the actions of the most precious being in the world that caused my ora? Who, whose thoughts, actions, fears are the true cause of the ora? Have you thought? Have you answered? Now my favorite question is: WHY am I yelling? Or in other words: What exactly am I trying to achieve with my current or? Is this the only way I can change the situation? Do I think this method is the most effective?
The fourth step. I hope you stopped yelling a long time ago, apologized to the kid or teenager (age is not important), answered questions and drew conclusions. It is very important: do not give yourself vows and promises, do not take increased obligations, do not try to be the perfect mom. If you take all this on yourself, then you have not forgiven yourself. Alas. It is quite enough to see yourself from the outside at the moment of an ora. Learn to stop yourself. It will get better every time. Or will simply lose all meaning.
The child's opinion
For a child, there is no sense in your raised voice initially. He just doesn't understand why you suddenly turned from a beloved, affectionate, kind mom into a migera. In the vast majority of cases, the meaning of your transformation is unclear to the child. He is unable (up to a certain age) to look at the world through the prism of your fears and complexes. "Here I am playing, and here you start yelling," the baby thinks, mentally turning to his mother. That is, you are yelling for yourself. And this is another good reason to quit this case.
And more. Ask your child about your shortcomings, what he doesn't like about you, why it happens like this, what can be done. You will hear very interesting things. Here, for example, is the phrase of my youngest son Egor: "Mommy, don't apologize and say that you love me. You better not yell." After these words, my illusory confidence that it is possible to yell, and then apologize, was sharply shaken 
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Finally
You tell me what's wrong with you? I am not only glad, I am happy that your child grows up in a calm environment filled with light and love, that loud sounds in your house are heard not just rarely, but very rarely, that the child has the right to vote, and you listen to him when he is dissatisfied with something. But, alas, in the vast majority of cases this is not the case.
By the way, the results of lowering the voice are simply amazing. You will begin to hear your child, listen to him, and he to you. Peace, peace and love will settle in your home, and isn't that what happiness is called?
