Talking to a child is a whole art that many adults find difficult. It seems to us that we are talking, and the children are doing their own thing. We demand understanding from the child, but we refuse to understand it ourselves. We switch to shouting, blackmail, we set conditions, in general, we act from a position of strength.
However, we ourselves really don't like being talked to in this way. If we listen to ourselves, we will understand that we would never listen to someone who treats us like that. At least, they would have held a grudge for sure.
So the children feel the same way. And they resist as much as they can – because of their age.
But communication with a child can be different if parents take into account the feelings of the child and the peculiarities of the child's psyche. About simple but effective words that will help to establish contact with children, read the article by teacher Irina Khmelnitskaya.
10 almighty words for parents
Simple, powerful and effective words. Here you will not find either "thank you" or "patience", although they are certainly also very important. Our post is just a reminder that we already know how we feel and are wrong.
-
Whisper. Even while working at school, I made a promise to myself not to raise my voice to the students or to anyone at all. Screaming is a manifestation of one's own weakness. But children, especially young ones, react to intonation more than to the content of speech. How to get through to the fidgets without raised tones? Tested: the only medicine that works more effectively than screams (even if they are from the best intentions) is when you bend over to your baby's ear, having made eye contact before that, and start talking – very quietly. This requires high self-control from parents. But it gives amazing results.
-
Maybe. Because to say the traditional "no" is like taking the baby off the fuse. The ban "head-on" can provoke hysteria, especially if the child who hears "no" is hungry or just tired. As an alternative, we suggest "maybe" – at least, this is honest. This is better than adding fuel to the fire with the help of endless "nots". If the children ask: "Are we going to go outside now?", I calmly inform: "Maybe." And I add: "If you put all the toys on the shelves and get dressed quickly." This helps motivate the guys to behave accordingly. And then everything is simple: they removed the toys, got dressed – went outside, did not clean – did not go. It is important that adults fulfill their own promises themselves. The words "We'll see" and "a little later" are just as effective.
-
I'm sorry. Adults are also wrong. What can I do? We are not gods. We are ready to apologize to relatives, friends, colleagues at work. And our children need politeness no less than adults. This models a respectful attitude towards others. Children really need to see this kind of communication – a good example sets the format of behavior in the future, and also helps to understand that no one in this world is perfect, which, in general, is true.
-
Stop. A signal that stops the child, interrupts his actions that we want to stop, and tells us what to do instead. If children are rushing around the apartment, it is useless to lecture, it is enough to say: "Stop!" and give the tool: "Sit at the table and put together a puzzle / build a castle." Agree with the baby in advance that "Stop, the game!" applies to everyone without exception under any circumstances: all actions stop (if the game does not follow the rules, it becomes dangerous, unpleasant, too noisy ...). The main thing is not to abuse this powerful tool, otherwise it will cease to be effective.
-
Eyes. We all listen more carefully, looking into the eyes of the interlocutor. When I want to be sure that the guys really listen to me and hear me, I ask: "Where are the eyes?" Hint: you need to say it quite calmly, preferably affectionately, with a smile or neutrally, otherwise the children just won't want to look at you. Who would want to meet the gaze of an angry and screaming person? And as soon as children's eyes are glued to you, you own children's attention.
-
Learning. If our child makes a mistake, the phrase "It's okay, it's okay – we're all learning!" comes to the rescue. It will also be useful for protection from oblique glances, from people who look at us with disapproval together with the child. After all, we all learn, including those who drill us with their eyes.
-
You can! Remind the child of this when he doubts his abilities. Failure is only a signal that the baby will achieve the desired result if he puts a little more effort, practices. Tell the kids that you know they can. And be sure to reveal the secret: many of the things that you are doing yourself with ease, once required so much effort from you.
-
Be! When children ask questions, give them your eyes and attention. When kids talk about something, listen. Be with your child. It means so much to a little person. Somehow, on the way home from kindergarten, my three-year-old son, already asking the one hundred and first question, realized that I was answering mechanically "yes-no" (strength after a working day is running out), but I still wanted to support the conversation. As a result, I heard an insistent: "Well, Mom, tell me! You're not talking!" Children immediately feel how much we are loaded into a conversation with them.
-
Always! It is not surprising that where children are, it is always noisy and restless! Tantrums happen, sweets are removed away, entertainment is canceled. But some things remain untouchable. And our love for children is among them. It is very important to tell them about it. Especially in those days when something went wrong, feelings are exhausted, and strength is running out. This is part of the evening ritual before going to bed. I hug my son and tell him: "Mom loves you very much and will always love you, no matter what happens." It is very important for children to know and hear that our love for them is unconditional and unconditional. Constant. Indelible. Always!
-
Laugh. Many things that annoy us as parents probably wouldn't be like this if we could just laugh at them. A good laugh is a wonderful reset button, if you want, a switch.
The truth is that these 10 words help not only parents, so be stronger, join the parental vocabulary.
Based on Becky Gaylord
